


Nothing More

by oneroughdraftaway



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Compulsive lying, Connor Lives AU, Evan is a liar, Kinda, M/M, connor is gay, fake bi evan, fake treebros, he just got back from rehab, i don't know how to tag so i'll pretend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 13:41:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14570226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneroughdraftaway/pseuds/oneroughdraftaway
Summary: A series of confusion leads Connor to believe Evan is actually bisexual which is a lie but Connor doesn't need to know.....





	Nothing More

Evan was feeling decent for once. It wasn't great (it was never great) but at least he wasn't completely horrified upon arriving to school. Maybe it was a sign something incredible would happen? Of course, it wouldn't but he had to force himself to be positive, doctors orders. If he showed up at therapy next week with no attempt at progress Dr. Sherman would be mad at him. He wouldn't say anything (cuz he was supposed to lie and build Evan up, not tell him how hopeless he was). He'd still be disappointed and Evan couldn't deal with that.

As he waits for him and Jared to pass by the locker of Zoe Murphy. But it wasn't as fulfilling as Evan hoped because she was crying. Like red faced, heaving sobs right in the middle of the hallway crying. They passed way too soon and Evan, no matter how bad he wanted, couldn't turn and stare.

"Hey, um, Jared, did you...did you just see Zoe? She...she was crying, like, really badly? Do you think she's okay?"

"Oh yeah. I know whenever I'm at my best I love to break down in front of all my very judgmental peers."

"Jared, stop!" Evan pleaded sounding more whiny then he'd intended. "This is serious, im really worried."

"Right. And what are you gonna do?"

"Well...I'm...."

"Exactly. It's not like your going to talk to her so stop freaking out about it, it's embarrassing." 

And Evan completely zoned out, not just of Jared but everything else. He wanted so badly to look over his shoulder and see if she was okay. Obviously, you don't go from sobbing to happiness in a few seconds but...the image of Zoe crying....it was so heavy. She was falling apart (in front of EVERY BODY. The kids at school were ruthless, why was she letting them see her at such a vulnerable moment?).

Thank god Evans locker was close enough to Zoe's so he could look. He'd hate himself for letting himself look like such a freak but if not it'd haunt him all day.

Zoe's friends were huddled around her, hugging her and holding her hand. Wow. It must be nice to have friends that want to comfort you. Zoe deserved that but it'd be a lie denying he wished he could take that from her.

"Evan!"

"Ah! Oh! Um hi, Alana. Hello. Hi. What are you doing here? At my locker."

"I want to ask a favor from you. So, you know how we're getting a new student today?"

"...no. I didn't know that...how did you know?"

"Oh, right. I knew because I'm on the student council, and as vice president I want to welcome him and show him around. I'd like to do it myself but our schedules are so far apart and I'd be late to every class. But you have most of the same classes so I was wondering if you wouldn't mind showing him around? It's very helpful to have guidance on your first day."

Evan couldn't pay attention to her monologue. He couldn't think about anything other than Zoe. What happened? We're her friends actually helping her?

"Um, sure, Alana. I can do that," Evan answered without hearing a single word.

Next to him, Jared laughs his cruel troll laugh. Evan is kind of offended. Only he was allowed to acknowledge his inadequacy

"Oh, this is golden," Jared laughed. "Anybody would be a better pick."

"Your supposed to be a supportive friend, Jared."

"Thanks you so much! I really appreciate this," Alana give him a quick hug. Before Evan can react she's done, bidding both boys goodbye.

"Um. What...what did she just say?"

"Seriously? She just asked if you'd show around the new kid?"

"What?"

"You're the one who agreed to it."

"Jared I can't...oh no. Oh no oh no. What am I gonna do? I can't show him around? I can't...you have to do it for me!"

"Hell no. I got my own shit to worry about. Maybe if you weren't so obsessed with thinking about Zoe Murphy-"

"I'm not obsessed with her! I was concerned, she's usually...she usually doesn't cry. In front of people. I don't know if she cries when she's alone or whatever."

"That come up often when you're getting off?"

"Why would...why would I think about that?"

"You're kinda a freak. Wouldn't surprise me."

"Jared, you're supposed to be a supportive friend."

"You know what you're in for when you talk to me , dude. I'd get going if I were you, with the new kid and all."

"Jared I cant!"

"Have fun!"

Evan would have nothing near fun. 

At first, he wasn't going to do it as if Alana would be none the wiser. Alana finds out about everything and she would never forgive him for ditching the new student.

So he went to the office, shaky and unable to breath properly. 

Evan walked into the office where a mother and her presumed child sitting across the secretary's desk. Oh no. There she was. The new student. Even worse, they made eye contact. It was a split second. Both parties looked up then instantly lost interest. But in Evans mind it lasted an eternity.

The mom looked rich (high quality dress, lots of jewelry). She wasnt the big deal. The new student with all grey and black. Kinda ratty but not trashy. Very fashion conscious in a subtle way. But his gaze was haunting probably cuz of his eyes. They were completely lifeless and had huge almost red bags under his eye. In fact, it looked like his eyes were falling or sinking into the back of his head. And his eyes were more pronounced then natural so...wait. This guy was cool and brave enough to wear eyeliner on his first day of school??

"What are you here for?" The secretary asked.

"Nurse," Evan spewed immedietly.  
There was no way Evan could show him around. "I'm here to see the nurse. So, um..."

"You can go right in."

Except he didn't actually go to the nurse's office. He just sat in the hallway so it looked like he did. But hiding gave him the chance to be caught and what the fuck would he do? Honest, he'd probably cry but that's neither here nor there.

Also, how sad is it that Evans safe space was the boys restroom? He couldn't go into the nurses room bc she'd watch him and make his anxiety so much worse. Besides what if some kid with an ACTUAL problem needed to get in there? EVans wasn't that big of a deal; everyone just made it out to be that way. There was nothing actually wrong with him. 

Evan only needed two periods to calm down. He didn't give himself a choice. He'd have a panic attack in front of everyone if it meant going to Bio 2. They just started the botany section and it made Evan excited for school. It was the only bit of sun in his life that he fantasied about all day.

He felt horrible for missing the other classes, too. But the teacher probably didn't notice his absence. 

Evan makes his way through the hallway, pretending to be completely normal. Trying to fit in. He never fit in.

He snatched a glance at Zoe who seemed to be okay. she looked really down but at least she wasn't crying. Maybe now he could...no. She wouldn't want to talk to him later. He'd definitely follow through later. Totally...

Dear Evan Hansen, Evan plotted in his head.  
"So today hasn't been that good. There's a lot of weird stuff that happened all at once which is strange cuz nothing ever happens. Not to you, at least. But that doesn't mean today will be completely awful."

Evan hated these letters. They'd didn't make anything better, it just repackaged his situation. He had to force himself into believing bad things could be good just like his mom did. She....she tried to stay positive so she didn't have to see the horrible world around her. Evan used to admire the quality but he learned it came from a place of hopelessness. He didn't want to end up like that. He wanted concrete and real good things to happen to him like they happened to everyone else.

"Today's not over. And your still going to bio. That's good and that's real."

Wow. A class was the shining moment of his day. How pathetic. Why couldn't it be friends or family or some great talent or skill? Literally anything. Why couldn't he have anything good in his life?

"Your going to learn more about trees. Yeah you already read the unit because you were so excited to get new information most of which you already knew."

The thoughts ended when he walked into class.  
That new kid just so confidently stole Evans seat. Evan wouldn't be able to sit down because why if he stole someone's seat? What if he chose the wrong one?? What if, what if?

Evan noticed that boy picking at his jacket. Oh he related. But it stuck out that he was also wearing fucking nail polish. This guy was a fucking god. What made him so confident in himself? How could he face the day and say "this is who I am and fuck anyone who doesn't like it." That sounded like the exact words this guy would say only he'd say it in a more creative way. A way Evans brain reach. It feels like he could but....but he couldn't make the shift.

Evan wanted that. He wanted that bravery. No, he didn't because if he was brave he'd have to face the realty of who he was. No thank you. There's a reason he spent every second ignoring that and focusing on literally anything else.

But still....wow. This guy...,why couldn't Evan be him? Why was he stuck in his hollow colorless and worthless existence?

**Author's Note:**

> guys this is so bad, i'm sorry. It's super old and i didn't want it to go unpublished. I love this au just...just not how i wrote it. I hope you like it? also, since it's old it's not a top priority so don't expect frequent updates or decent quality.


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